Duh-licious: Salsa Bean Dip

So we're just a few weeks away from the official start of fall. The leaves turn, the air crisps, but most importantly: football season starts. It is probably one of the most exciting times of the year, when Americans all across the country get eye sparkles and regain hope that their team will be NFL Champions. It's amazing. But of course, while enjoying a football game on its own is sufficiently satisfying, the experience is exponentially improved when combined with friends, beer and food (but really, what isn't?). The great, pretty people I always watched football with remain in San Diego, but that sure doesn't mean I can't make and devour, by myself, the food Eddie, Kerin, Michelle and I all used to enjoy during Monday Night Football; incidentally, the only time I've ever really looked forward to a Monday. Here is my recipe for a sure-fire pleaser of fat kids: Salsa Bean Dip.

I'll start out by saying this is ridiculously easy, that's why I called it 'Duh-licious.' So there's that. Here's what you need:

• a can of refried beans (I prefer refried black beans)
• salsa (I like Herdez, but Pace or whatever works is fine)
• Worcestershire sauce
• Mexican shredded cheese
• 1/4 c of corn

Empty the can of refried beans into a medium-sized sauce pan heated over medium-high heat. If you're skilled, the beans will retain the shape of the can. Next, add an equal amount of salsa. You can eyeball it, but if you want to be precise just fill the bean can with salsa. You can make it as thick or as thin as you like-- this obviously depends on how much salsa you add. Heat the beans and salsa, stirring a lot, until it starts to bubble. Then throw in the corn and cheese, and keep stirring until the cheese melts. You're not really trying to cook it, you just want to heat it, but seriously friend, stir a lot or it'll burn. At some point in here, add 3 or 4 dashes of Worcestershire sauce. It's my secret ingredient that gives a nice umami element and makes the dip nice and rich on the back of your tongue. With all things mixed, once the dip is hot you can eat it.

Does it look appetizing at this point? Hell. No. But if you're eating alone, it's fine. If you're trying impress your boss or special friend or whatever, you can spruce it up a little with a little fresh salsa garnish, for which you need:

• an avocado
• a tomato
• some sweet onion
• a few cilantro sprigs

Just chop all that stuff up really finely and mix it together. Boom! Delicious flavors. If you want to put some corn into the salsa, by all means, DO IT. A little jalapeno would be appropriate, too, if your audience can handle the spice. Now you get all fancy by scooping your dip into a bowl, throwing a little fresh salsa garnish on top (it's not just for pretty, it adds fresh, crisp flavors and textures) and sprinkling a little of your cheese on top of that. Squirt of lime juice even? Sour cream perhaps? Get crazy. Yum.

Oh-ficially duh-licious

Set it out next to some tortilla chips, like Mission Tortilla Triangles, and you're friends will like you more. Not more than football or this bean dip, but whatever. At least you're eating so you can cope with it.